Everyone loves a good joke, even those in our elderly generation. There are so many jokes out there with punchlines about old age and our elders that will make them laugh out loud. Whether its a funny one liner or quote about retirement on a card, or a cartoon posted on a billboard, you are surrounded with old age jokes throughout the day.
You can find jokes about aging everywhere nowadays, but here are the top 5 old people jokes to tell any senior:
1. 3 Elderly Sisters
Three sisters ages 96, 94 and 92 all lived in the same house. One night the 96 year old sister went to take a bath upstairs. While she was putting her foot into the bathtub she stopped. She then called out to her other sisters and asked them, “Was I just getting into the bathtub or getting out?”
“You fool,” the 94 year old sister said. “I'll come upstairs and take a look.” As she reached halfway up the stairs she stopped and called out to the youngest sister, “Was I going upstairs or downstairs?”.
The youngest sister was sitting at the table in the kitchen drinking some tea and said to herself, “I hope I don't become that forgetful” and knocked on the wood on the table. The 92 year old sister shook her head and yelled to her sisters, “I'll be there to help both of you after I see who knocked on the door.”
2. Sharing Peanuts
A bus driver was driving a whole tour bus of elderly men and women down a highway. As he was driving one of the little old ladies tapped him on the shoulder to offer him a handful of peanuts that he gratefully accepted.
15 minutes pass and she comes back with another handful of peanuts. This happens about five more times. The bus driver finally decides to ask her, “Why don't you eat the peanuts yourself?” She replied and said “We have no teeth so we aren't able to chew them.”
Confused, he asks, “If you can't chew them, why do you buy them?” She replied “We get them just for the chocolate around them. We love it!”
3. 80 is the Worst Age
3 nursing home residents were talking about aging outside of their nursing home. The 60 year old resident said “60 is the worst age to be. You constantly feel like you have to pee but most of the time nothing happens.”
The 70 year old resident responds “That's nothing compared to being 70. You can't take a crap anymore. You eat all of the bran and take laxatives you can and still nothing happens.”
The 80 year old said, “You're both wrong. 80 is actually the worst.”
The 60 year old asked the 80 year old, “Do you have trouble peeing too?” He responded, “No. I go at 6 every morning. I have no problem at all.”
The 70 year old asked him, “Do you have trouble taking a crap?” “No, I go at 6:30 each morning” the 80 year old responded.
The 60 year old said “Let me understand you clearly. You go #1 every morning at 6am and #2 every morning half an hour later. What's so hard about being 80?”
The 80 year old concluded, “All of those things are true, but I don't wake up until 10am.”
4. Old Lady Speeding
One night a state cop saw a car riding along at 22 miles per hour. He put on his lights and pulled the car over. He approached the window and saw that there were 5 old ladies in the car that looked shocked and pale.
The old lady who was driving said “Officer, I don't get why you pulled me over. I was going the speed limit exactly. What is the issue?”
He said “Ma'am you were not going over the speed limit, however driving under the limit is dangerous too.”
The lady responded, “I disagree sir. I was going 22 mph, the exact speed limit.”
The officer laughed and said “22 is not the speed limit, it is the route number.” Feeling embarrassed she thanked the police officer.
He stopped and said “Before I let you go, is everyone ok? The other ladies seem a bit unsettled.” The lady responded and said “Oh they will be fine in a minute. We just got off of route 119.”
5. Old Couple Shares A Meal
An elderly couple went to McDonald's and ordered a burger, fries and a soda. A man next to them saw the old man split everything in half.
He went over to the table and offered to buy them each a meal if they couldn't afford it. The old man appreciatively declined and said that him and his wife shared everything in the 40 years they were together.
He went back to his own table and then noticed the old woman wasn't eating. She was just sitting there. He went back over to the couple and asked why she wasn't eating. She then said, “It's only because it's my husband's turn to use the teeth.”